If, Then
by goldistic
Summary: AU. They've all made big choices in their lives. But what if they had chosen differently?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I've decided to start a one-shot series, right now it looks like it'll be four chapters but that could definitely change. It'll focus on our four main characters: Casey, Severide, Dawson, and of course, Shay! (She'll never be completely dead to me.) The four of them have made life-altering decisions in their lives, and this series focuses on the possibility if they had chosen differently. **

**None of these chapters are related to each other whatsoever! They're all in their own universe. **

**In season one, Casey had decided that with Hallie never wanting kids, their relationship wouldn't have ever worked. In this chapter...Casey chose his love for his fiancée over his love for children.**

Chapter One:

It was Thanksgiving. And like every year for some unlucky reason, Casey had shift. He didn't know why the days had to fall that way, but he did know that first and second watch better be thankful for always getting to spend the day with their families while Casey and the guys went on the most ridiculous calls of the year. They'd probably respond to more oven fires today than they had all year. And on top of that, they'd have to settle more family feuds than they would probably prefer. They all had their own problems to deal with, especially Casey, and they didn't want to get in the middle of other people's pathetic issues.

Although, technically he shouldn't be complaining. Lieutenant Harris had offered to cover Casey's shift for the day, but Casey wouldn't let him. Harris had three kids, a wife, two brothers, a sister, and one hell of an extended family. Harris simply would have more fun on the holiday than Casey would have, and that's why Casey currently found himself pulling the blanket off of his body at six in the morning.

His bare feet hit the cool, hardwood floor and he pulled himself up, walking tiredly towards the bathroom while he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. On his way, he peeked into the bedroom, where Hallie slept with her head buried in her pillow. He watched her sleep for only a couple of seconds, sighing softly to himself before quietly walking in. He pulled out a casual, long-sleeved blue shirt, a fresh pair of boxers, socks and jeans from his dresser before continuing on towards the bathroom.

He showered quickly, got dressed, brushed his teeth, and had a brief breakfast before pulling his jacket on and grabbing his keys. He picked up his brown bag that held a change of clothes and his phone charger in it before walking out the front door.

* * *

When he arrived at the firehouse, he noticed that second watch was just leaving. He got out of his truck with his brown bag hanging on his shoulder, waving to a few people he knew as they walked to their cars, ready to get their Thanksgiving started.

Casey couldn't help but become a little jealous as he envisioned them with their families. Their kids, their wives, their parents...the whole shebang. Casey didn't have any of it. He's had a fiancée for four years who has no interest in ever being a mom, a dead father, and a mother who's probably spending the day with her loser boyfriend.

Now that he thought about it, he actually didn't even know who he'd spend Thanksgiving with if he weren't on shift. Christie and Violet were probably with Jim and his family, and if he spent the day with Hallie, he knew they'd spend the whole time trying to make people believe they were happy and still trying to plan their perfect wedding.

_That _couldn't be more of a lie.

"Hey, Casey!" Herrmann's voice pulled Casey out of his thoughts, and honestly, he couldn't have been more grateful for his friend at that moment.

"What's up, Herrmann?" Casey wondered, waiting for the older man to catch up to him so they could finish the short walk towards the firehouse together.

"Just wanted to let ya know Cindy is coming over with the kids later and she's bringing pie. Is Hallie comin' this year or nah? Cindy has to know how much pie to bring..."

Casey shook his head, sighing a little. "No, she's going over to her sister's house, probably won't be able to stop by."

Herrmann nodded, expecting such an answer, but not knowing what to say to his Lieutenant. To be friendly, he probably would've asked how her residency was doing at the hospital, especially since the bombing a few months ago. He was genuinely curious as to what had happened to her job after that, but he didn't know if Casey was the person to ask about it.

He'd noticed a shift in their relationship in the past year or so, hell, everyone had, but it was ultimately nobody's business but Casey and Hallie's.

"Well, that's too bad," Herrmann said finally, studying his younger friend before a pair of hands smacked his shoulders suddenly. He turned around, meeting Otis' big grin and Cruz's right behind him. "Damn Otis, isn't it a little too early for that?"

He turned back towards Casey while Otis defended himself, but was saddened to see the Lieutenant already walking into the firehouse. He frowned a bit before turning his attention back towards Otis and Cruz, who had also began to defend his roommate.

* * *

In the locker room, Casey turned the dial of the lock to match his locker combination, but sighed frustratingly when the lock wouldn't open. What the hell was with this thing today? It usually didn't take him five tries to open his damn locker.

"I hope you're not still feeling those effects of that injury..."

Her voice caused his head to rise in an instant, and he managed a small smile when their eyes met. Her face held a playful grin, which let him know she was messing with him, but her eyes showed a genuine concern.

"Nah," he answered, watching as she placed her bag on the bench as she turned towards her locker. "I just..I don't know, this thing is being difficult today."

"Maybe that's because you're trying to open Kelly's locker..." She trailed off, and his eyes darted up to the top of the locker he was trying to open and when he read the tape, he sighed annoyingly.

_SEVERIDE _

He had indeed stopped at his best friend's locker by accident instead of his own that stood beside Severide's.

"Dammit," he muttered. He moved over a couple of inches so that we was at his own locker now, and when he tried the lock, it worked on the first try.

"Works a lot better when you get the right locker, huh?" She was being smart with him, and as usual, he couldn't help but smile at her humor.

"Whatever, Dawson," he mused, shaking his head in a joking manner as he tossed his stuff into his locker before getting changed into his Lieutenant wear.

Gabby smiled to herself as she pulled her paramedic shirt over her head, slipping on her work pants right after. As she gathered her hair into a low ponytail, she couldn't help but look over at Casey. His torso was bare as he dug out his Lieutenant shirt, and she caught herself admiring his muscular back as he turned around to put his shirt on.

Casey caught her gaze, and he could've sworn he saw something a lot like lust in her eyes, but by the time his shirt was over his head, she had averted her gaze.

She sat down on the bench, her back facing him, and bent down to put her boots on. Casey cleared his throat as he sat beside her and put on his boots as well, sneaking glances at her every few seconds.

"So uh..how's Mills?" He finally asked, his eyes now focused on the laces of his left boot as his fingers worked them into a knot.

"We're alright, I guess," she shrugged, her attention also trained on tying her boots. "How's Hallie?"

He sighed to himself, knowing he should've seen that coming after he asked about her relationship with Peter. "We're good," he lied, nodding to try to convince her, and to probably convince himself.

"Matt," she said softly, and he looked over at her, knowing she was the last person he could fool. "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything. I mean it."

He smiled a little at her, grateful for their friendship that had practically weathered it all in the past few years. "I know," he told her softly, nodding. "I guess it's just been hard lately..."

She waited for him to continue, and when he did, she didn't interrupt.

"I think it all started when I delivered that baby a couple of years ago, remember that?" Casey smiled at the memory, and Gabby didn't fail to notice the twinkle in his eye as he reminisced.

"How could anyone forget that night? That was...that was something special Casey, it really was." She smiled as she also remembered the Thanksgiving from two years ago, and she especially remembered the excitement in Matt's voice as he retold the full extent of what happened when they had gotten back to the firehouse.

"Yeah, it was," he agreed, and she then noticed that the smile he held right now was the most genuine she's seen from him in awhile. What the hell has been going on with him?

"Anyway," he continued, his smile fading as he went on with his point. "You know I've always wanted kids, it's been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. And that night when I delivered the baby in the middle of a ten car pileup, something sparked in me. I realized I wanted kids right then, and I told Hallie that." He was frowning at this point, and Dawson gently put her hand on his shoulder, an unspoken comfort for both of them when they talked to each other like this. "But she, she told me she didn't want them at the moment. She told me she didn't know if she'd ever want them…"

Dawson carefully squeezed his shoulder, realizing that the question of having kids or not could definitely tear a relationship apart. Casey turned his head towards her, and her heart sunk further than she ever thought possible when she noticed the tears surfacing his captivating blue eyes. "I just...I feel like I've been wasting the past two years of my life," he admitted, shaking his head. "One of the only things I want in life are kids, and I'm engaged to somebody who doesn't want them. We haven't slept in the same bed in over a year because all we do is fight, and of course all of our fights go right back to the kid thing, and I just don't know what to do at this point. I've thought about ending it so many times, but something always draws us back together. First it was the Heather thing, then my injury, then Jones' suicide, then the bombing at the hospital, then the explosion a few months ago…" he shook his head, sighing heavily. "I'm just sick of making up excuses about why we should still be together, because we shouldn't be."

Gabby's hand was now rubbing Matt's shoulder comfortingly as she listened to him, not knowing what the right thing to say him could be after he was done speaking. "Matt," she began quietly, and their eyes met again. Gabby could tell he was looking for help, any kind of help, and he relied on her. It was rare when Casey opened up to her lately, and she hadn't even opened up to him about her relationship troubles with Mills.

But finally, she decided the best advice she could give him would come from her heart, from what she actually thought about the situation. "I know you well enough to figure out that you're still with Hallie because you would have felt guilty if you left her sooner without knowing for sure if your relationship with her would have worked or not. You like to explore every option, even if it doesn't benefit you in the end. It's just the kind of guy you are. You don't give up, that was clear with the Voight situation and when you were fighting for your life last December." Now _her_ eyes were clouding with tears at the memory she didn't like to revisit often. "You put other people's needs and wants before your own," she continued thoughtfully. "It's one of the things I admire most about you. But, Matt, there's gotta be a point where you recognize what you want and what you need."

Casey swallowed thickly, nodding as he looked down at the floor again. She was right, and God, he knew it...he just couldn't believe it was actually the end.

"We've been together for seven years," he murmured, sighing deeply as he turned towards Gabby again. "I thought we were going to be together forever...and now that just seems like a joke."

He rubbed his hands over his face, shaking his head as Gabby's hand continued moving comfortingly over his shoulder.

"It sucks," she agreed, nodding sadly. "But hey, you'll rally."

Even in the mood he was in right now, Casey couldn't help but chuckle as she mocked the advice he had given Mouch months ago. "It was _good_ advice," he defended, smiling as he playfully nudged Gabby's shoulder.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, Casey," she grinned, not realizing how much she'd missed his bright smile lately until now.

"Well, he _did _rally, didn't he? He's having the time of his life with the one and only, Trudy Platt," he chuckled again, shaking his head at the unlikely pairing.

"Well then that should give you confirmation that you too, Matthew Casey, will rally just as Mouch did," she told him, smiling warmly.

"I hope so," he agreed quietly, smiling in sincere gratitude. "Thank you, Dawson, really. I know I've been a bit off lately, but um, hopefully that'll change soon."

"It will," she assured him sincerely, finally and reluctantly dropping her hand from his shoulder. He was about to say something more when a panicked and sweating Severide jogged into the locker room.

"Casey!" He called, resting his hand on his friend's shoulder once he'd reached him.

"What the hell is the matter, Kelly?" He wondered, looking at his fellow Lieutenant worriedly.

"The oven broke, and without the oven, we can't have turkey," Severide explained, and Casey rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Matt! We need you to fix it!"

"Alright, alright," Casey told him, standing up from the bench. "Could you go get my toolbox from my office?"

"Sure thing," Kelly promised, and he began to jog towards the direction of the sleeping area.

Casey closed his locker before turning towards Dawson again, watching as she also stood up. "This goes both ways, you know."

"What does?" She asked curiously, putting her stuff away before shutting her locker.

"Talking about stuff," he told her simply, shrugging. "I mean I know we haven't really done it in awhile but I never went anywhere...I'm still here and I know I haven't been the only one acting a bit off recently."

Casey watched with concern as she bit her lower lip and looked down at the floor. "Come to Molly's tomorrow night, we'll talk then. Right now you gotta go save the day." She offered him a small smile, but it was nothing that told him she was fine, so instead he wrapped his arms around her. It took her a second, but he felt her arms around his body soon.

"Thank you for listening," he murmured softly. "And I promise I'll be there tomorrow night, and I'll give you better advice than to rally, even though it _is _good advice."

"I'm looking forward to it," she told him sincerely, and they both share a small smile as they pull away. "Now you better go fix that oven, because if I don't get my turkey on Thanksgiving, we're gonna have a problem."

* * *

Later that day, after five calls to oven fires and three of them containing some sort of family feud, Casey found himself sitting in the empty seat between Severide and Dawson at the table. He assumed Mills had planned to sit there because when he was done setting all of the food down and saw who was in his seat, he looked like a lost puppy dog.

"There's an open seat right here, Mills," Herrmann said, patting the chair next to him. Mills sat down and told everybody they could dig in.

"Hold up, hold up," Boden said, standing from his chair. "Two things before we start eating. One is that I think it's appropriate to say that this past twelve months has been crazy. We almost lost one of our own last December.." He motioned towards Casey. "In April we actually did lose one of our own, and we will forever remember her spirit, her strength, her skills, and of course...that cake." Everybody laughed at the memory while Herrmann just shook his head with a smile. "And only a couple of weeks later, a terrorist attack shook our city and almost claimed the lives of several of us. Then of course, in May, we were hit with our hardest obstacle yet." Severide looked down while Dawson shifted uncomfortably. "Leslie Shay will _always _be with us, she was a part of our family and we will never forget her, she made us who we are today." Everybody nodded in response, their minds playing their favorite memory of the blonde.

"Last thing before we start eating," Boden announces, his finger pointing at the turkey. "What should this thing be named this year?" Two years ago it had been the piss guy, then it had been McLeod, which was an obvious choice, and this year, Casey thought there was another obvious choice.

"How about Welch?" He suggested, and everybody quickly agreed.

"Then it shall be named Welch," Boden smiled, sitting down. "You guys can dig in now."

Throughout the dinner, no calls had been requesting their service, which they were all thankful for. They all enjoyed more jokes from Otis and Cruz, tried to follow Mouch's ramblings, listened to Herrmann's stories about his kids, and reminisced on old times.

Laughing so hard his stomach was hurting, Casey realized that _this _is all he needed for Thanksgiving. _These_ guys were his family. He didn't know where he'd be without them, and frankly, he didn't even want to imagine. He hadn't heard a word from Hallie all day, which he figured was the best thing at the moment. A tough conversation was coming between the two of them, but it had to happen. Right now, though, he wanted to enjoy this time. If they'd learned anything throughout the years, it's that life could be taken away in a split second.

**So there it is, the first one-shot of the four! I don't know how I feel about this one. Casey was a hard one for this idea, but I did the best I could. I initially wanted to include Hallie more, but yeah, that didn't happen. My Dawsey brain got the best of me. **

**I would love to hear your feedback! :)**

**Next up: In the season two finale, Dawson decided that it'd be better if she and Shay traded places. In the next chapter, she decided she wanted to take the lead on it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**In the season two finale, Dawson decided that it'd be better if she and Shay traded places. In this chapter, she decided she wanted to take the lead on it.**

**I changed a few things in this chapter. Instead of Gabby dying immediately, I dragged out her death a little to make it a bit more dramatic and emotional. I hope you all enjoy! :)**

**Chapter two:**

"So how do you want to go about this?"

Dawson looked over at Shay, barely able to make out her face with the poor lighting available in the abandoned warehouse. She contemplated having her best friend take the lead on this one, knowing she'd be the PIC in less than a week if Dawson's transfer went as planned. But Dawson also knew that Shay was already more than capable to be a PIC, and hey, this might be Dawson's last call as a paramedic and she wanted to end her career by taking the lead.

"I think I'll take this one, sound okay?"

"Sounds great." Shay nodded and smiled brightly, always glad to see her friend take the lead. It wasn't that Shay wasn't confident in her own abilities, but there was something about the way that Gabby worked that always taught her something. It could be a call to a simple heart attack or a call to a man stuck in a snowblower, but she always learned something new. Every single time.

"So," Shay began, working efficiently along with her friend. "Gabriela Casey. It has a nice ring to it, ya know."

Gabby smiled, glancing up at her while nodding. "Yes, yes it does. And you'll be my maid of honor, right?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way, girl," she confirmed, smiling.

"Good, now hand me the tape."

Shay tossed her the tape, still grinning with excitement over her friend's unofficial engagement.

Neither of them knew what was coming next. A minute before that the radios had been staticky, yes, but this was the last thing they thought would happen as a result.

Shay felt herself blown backwards, her back hitting the solid floor with a thud. If it weren't for the turnout jacket, she was sure she'd have more than just a dull pain.

She opened her eyes a few seconds after the impact, blinking them a couple of more times to keep the flying dust out of them. The room was spinning as she tried to sit up, trying to figure out what the hell happened. "Dawson?" She called out, her voice strong, especially considering what had just happened.

A small whimper answered her, so she sat up and immediately ran over to the sound.

She's seen hundreds of injured people. She's seen people take their arms off with a chainsaw. She's seen people die because they don't know how to operate a lawn mower. She's seen idiot after idiot, but she's also seen accidents that never should've happened. She's seen a guy kill himself right in front of her.

She's seen it all.

But she was never prepared to see her best friend with a piece of the ceiling sticking out of her abdomen.

While examining the wound, she tried to keep her tears at bay. She tried to convince herself that it wasn't as bad as it looked. She tried to focus on her job, knowing what she had to do right now. She had to save Dawson. She had to do everything in her power to make sure Dawson walked out of this alive. If it happened any other way, she had no idea what she'd do. She grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly, as her other hand dug around the medkit. She racked through the knowledge she learned from Dawson and when she was training to be a paramedic. She knew she couldn't remove impaled objects. If she did, Dawson would probably bleed out. She knew she had to stabilize the object, so that's what she would do. That's what Dawson would do.

She felt her fingers brush against thick bandages, so she grabbed as many as she could and started placing them around the piece of drywall.

Dawson squeezed her hand, realizing what she was doing, and shook her head. "Shay," she croaked, her eyes glistening with tears. Shay was already reaching for the tape, refusing to listen to what she predicted was going to come out of Dawson's mouth.

"Shay," she said again, only a little louder this time. She knew what was coming. This injury was too severe, she knew it right away and she also knew Shay would try to save her. Her body had too much damage. Organs had been hit. They'd been damaged too extremely. There was no way this could end up with a good result. She'd seen it before with other victims.

_But God, it hurt so much. _

Shay looked at Dawson, seeing an expression on her face she'd never thought she'd see. Dawson was giving up. And she decided to do everything she could to change her way of thinking.

"Listen to me, Gabby. You are _not _going to die, you hear me? You are going to fight. This isn't your time."

"It hurts, Shay," Gabby pursed her lips, trying not to release a sob because she knew if she did, it would just hurt her body even more.

"I know it does, Gabs, but you have to fight, okay? Fight it for me, for Casey, okay?"

"I don't think I can," Dawson admitted, shaking her head defeatedly as another whimper escaped from her mouth. "You've been a real great friend over the years, Shay. Don't ever forget that."

"Gabriela Dawson, I'd kick your ass if you weren't already down, so shut the hell up, alright? You're going to be fine." Shay's voice shook. She wasn't confident in her words, but she'd try damn hard to make them happen.

"Dawson, Shay!" It was Severide's voice, and Shay had never been so thankful to hear it.

"Over here, Kelly!" She called, and watched as Severide came jogging over with Casey right behind him.

She turned her attention back towards Gabby, grabbing the tape and starting to wrap it on the bandages she had placed around the piece of drywall. But the tape stopped short. They had used most of it on the other patient, and now there wasn't enough to use on Dawson.

"Dammit!" She yelled, throwing the empty roll across the room. Severide and Casey finally arrived in that moment, and Severide froze, unprepared for the sight he was now staring at. Casey, meanwhile, hesitated for only a second to take in the scene before him. He rushed to her side, taking his helmet off in the process so it wasn't in his way.

"Casey, I'm going out to the ambulance to get something, make sure she doesn't pull anything on us," Shay told him, hurriedly rushing out of the room. Dawson may have given up on herself, but that was the last thing Shay was going to do. If it were the other way around, she knew Dawson would be doing the same for her.

"I'm going to go see if the guys have made any progress on Mills," Severide decided, feeling a bit better that Shay was okay, but not knowing how to deal with Dawson in the position she was in. She'd always been a rock. She'd been around the firehouse as long as Severide had, and she'd always been okay. How the hell could this happen? He never had been great friends with her, but he considered her an important part of his life. She was the one he went to with his drug problem, she was the one who helped him out of that hole. She was the reason Casey was as happy as he was.

Casey glanced in their direction as they both left, but soon his direction was directed towards Gabby, and he grabbed her hand securely in the both of his. He was laying down on his stomach, level with Gabby, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Please," she whispered, her voice weak and constricted. "Tell Antonio I love him. He was a good brother."

"No, Gabby, you don't get to do that. You're not going to die, you hear me? You're not dying today." Casey shook his head, squeezing her hand just to make sure she knew.

"Matt, please," she uttered, trying to catch her breath in between words. "Look at me. I have a piece of the ceiling lodged in my body. We've seen this stuff before in victims. How often does a-"

"Stop, Gabby," Matt urged, a tear escaping the corner of his eye. "You can't do this to me right now, okay? You need to stay alive." His voice was thick with emotion, and at several points it cracked.

"I love you," she told him quietly, and he shook his head, not wanting to believe this was really it. "I love you so much, Matt. I would've said yes. You know that, right?"

She coughed weakly, and blood trickled out of her mouth. Casey's eyes filled with more tears and several spilled down his face. As each second passed, her breathing became more shallow, her voice became more desperate, and her skin paled. Casey knew what was coming but he decided to try to convince himself otherwise. He couldn't face what was about to happen, he wasn't at all prepared for this.

"You're going to be an amazing firefighter, you know that?," Matt told her confidently, squeezing her hand and caressing her thumb. "And we're going to get married. We'll have two or three kids, who look like you and act like you. We'll have the best life, you and me. We're gonna be happy, Gabs. We're gonna have the best life, I swear, you and me. We're going to be so happy. So you can't die on me, okay? I don't know how to exist in a world where you don't. We're supposed to be together, Gabs, we're supposed to get old together." He wanted to cry, he wanted to let his emotions fly free, but he wanted to stay strong for Gabby even more. He wanted her to imagine a perfect life, he wanted her to leave with a smile if she could.

It was getting harder and harder for her to breathe. The pain subsided. All she did now was focus on Matt's voice, letting it soothe her to sleep. She watched as tears rolled carelessly down his face, disappearing once they reached his jawline.

"We're meant to be, Gabby, we're meant to be," he continued, almost pleading with her now. His grip on her hand tightened slightly, worried of what would happen if he didn't. "I love you so much. I love you. I always have been in love with you, I always will be. You're my best friend, you know that? You're so beautiful, and so inspiring, and so amazing." Her lips curved into a small, open smile, and she could taste her tears on her lips.

Then she stopped blinking. Her eyes remained open, her mouth refused to carry out any more breaths, and her body went limp.

Matt cried, his fingers moving to her eyelids, pulling them down over her brown orbs he already missed so much. He caressed her hair, crying into her hand he still held with his. "I love you," he sobbed. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

He ignored the sudden shuffling behind him, letting him know the other guys had entered the room, or perhaps they'd been there the whole time, watching everything unfold. Shay came back in, carrying another medkit, stopping once she saw the state of Gabby.

She collapsed to her knees, the small bag of medical supplies dropping to the floor. Her hands covered her face, and her sobs joined Matt's.

_How were any of them supposed to exist in a world where she didn't?_

**A/N: Well there it is, I hope you guys enjoyed it! It was really depressing writing this chapter, and I hope the emotion was carried to all of you.**

**Up next: In the season two premiere, Severide let Renee walk out of his life. In the next chapter, he fought for her to stay. **


	3. AN

**A/N: I'm so sorry this isn't a new chapter, I'm having some google doc troubles (the stupid thing deleted half of the chapter I was planning to put up awhile ago) and I have tried everything to recover it, but nothing is working. I haven't really had the time to rewrite it (it's a pretty long chapter) and also, it takes me awhile to write even one chapter for something so I haven't had much ambition for it. If any of you are computer experts (or anything close, and yes, I've tried to restore it through the "undo" button and revision history), please give me some tips on how to get it back. Thank you so much and once again, I'm so sorry! **


	4. Chapter 3

**In the season two premiere, Severide let Renee walk out of his life. In the next chapter, he fought for her to stay.**

**A/N: I finally figured it out! It took me awhile but I fixed the problem, so here you are! After rereading this, I'm actually not quite sure how I feel about it, but the last thing I wanted to do was keep you guys waiting anymore than you have been. There isn't a specific plot line like there was in the other two chapters, but this one is much more happier. Tell me what you think! **

"Wake up, Kelly!,"

He had heard that voice before. A million times before. But he could listen to it a billion more times, and it'd never fail to make him smile. Even when her voice was raised slightly, like right now, telling him she meant business, it calmed him. And when she spoke to their child, oh God, saying that he fell in love with her all over again would be an understatement. He not only _could _listen to that sound every day, but he _needed_ to.

He had grown accustomed to it, a smile crossed his face naturally whenever he heard the noise, and when their child giggled in response, he knew he had lost all of himself into his family.

It was crazy, really, that he was actually calling them his family. Two years ago he never would've imagined it. He had just met Renee at the time, and he could tell he was in trouble by how quickly his feelings for her grew. He didn't want to settle down, he still wanted to enjoy his bachelor lifestyle at bit longer, but he also couldn't stay away from Renee.

She saved him in ways she'd never understand, in ways that he'd forever be thankful for. She saved him from his worst fear - the fear of him not firefighting. If he had gone with the surgery Kendra suggested, the one with an incredible amount of recovery time, he probably would have given up. He wasn't a particularly patient person, and if he had done months of physical therapy without even knowing the end result for sure, he wouldn't have been able to stand it. So when she had suggested a new surgery, one that she had heard about by chance, he was filled with new hope and ambition.

Then she left. She had left for Madrid, and he was certain that was the last time he would see her ever again. He only had Shay, him and Casey were still on rough terms from Darden's death, so all he had was Shay. But as much as he cherished their friendship, he missed Renee's soft touch and soothing voice. He missed her contagious smile, that laugh that drove him crazy, and the passion behind her eyes.

So when she came back from Madrid completely out of the blue a few months later, he was ecstatic. He was informed of their expecting child, and a vision of a perfect family with Renee entered his mind, fogging any other thoughts. His friendship with Casey had also been improving, so he had nothing to complain about. For the first time in a long time, Kelly had everything. And he wanted to hold onto that for as long as he could.

That's why he had been bitter about Shay bringing up the possibility of Renee lying about him being the father. That afternoon, having lunch with Shay, and hearing the doubt come out of her voice, knocked the wind out of him. He hadn't expected it. He had been angry at Shay for suggesting such a thing, and managed to convince himself for a split second that she was just being resentful about the fact that Renee was pregnant while she wasn't.

But then uncertainty crept into his mind seemingly overnight, and he couldn't shake the fact that Renee's due date really _didn't _match up. The bliss that had been radiating off of him disappeared, and hesitation replaced it.

He told her about his concern. She had slapped him, and even though he wasn't expecting it, he wasn't upset by it. He understood it. He loved her, and he knew she loved him, so he held onto that until he got off shift.

Except that she wasn't at their apartment when he got home the next morning. He had called her a few times, leaving voicemails and dropping text messages just to make sure she was okay. But she had never answered, and that's why he was surprised to come home a few days later to see her at the apartment.

For a split second, he was happy she was back, but that was short-lived when he saw the suitcases. She was crying as she piled her clothes into bags, and he probably wouldn't admit it now, but he had panicked.

She told him about the test she took, uncovering the truth that had been running around in both of their minds endlessly in the last week. She explained herself, about how she had managed to convince herself that the baby really was his, about how she pictured a family with Kelly.

She wanted to walk out on him. And he almost let her. He didn't know if he could care for a baby and pretend it was his, all of this was the last thing he had expected and he was nowhere near ready for any of it.

But he thought about the heartache he experienced the first time she left, and he didn't want to experience it again. He had grown dependent on her smile, her laugh, her positivity, her brilliance, and her excitement. He couldn't imagine not watching her hips sway to the music in the kitchen as she made dinner for two. He couldn't envision a day without her telling some crazy story about a client she had, and he couldn't foresee not waking up to her every morning.

Maybe they could make it work. That's what he had told her. She shook her head at him at first, thinking he was crazy for wanting to try, thinking it'd just end up in disaster and even greater pain for the both of them in the end. But he had already convinced himself of it, and he wanted to convince her, too.

It took hours to convince her. She was afraid of the future and ashamed of the past, and wanted to forget about it. But he firmly believed that the end was nowhere near, and never being much of an emotional guy who spoke about his feelings a lot, he surprised not only her, but also himself a lot that night. He put all of his emotions on the table and spoke about his love for her, and it eventually led her to open up her biggest fear to him.

"_What if you don't love this baby? What if I have him, and you change your mind? What then?"_

The question still rings in his mind even now, and it seems crazy to him that she'd ever ask such a thing. Of course he understood the fear, it was definitely rational, but it still caught him off guard.

After that, he was able to convince her to stay. Obviously, things didn't return to normal right away. There was still a fraction of tension, and perhaps even awkwardness afterwards, but it was mostly because they were both extremely afraid of the future.

Shay tried her best to understand the situation, but she was way too protective of Kelly to not give Renee a cold shoulder for a few months afterwards.

Casey and Kelly were steadily getting closer again, and Kelly was glad because of it. Casey was more supportive of everything. As long as Kelly was happy, he was happy.

But everyone was a skeptic. Their bets on what would happen was a hot topic for weeks, and they all wondered what the hell Kelly was doing.

Then the baby was born, three days after Thanksgiving. Trenton Anderson Severide. Just like that, bets were dropped, Shay's cold shoulder turned warm, and if Casey wasn't happy for his friend before, he certainly was then. Renee watched Kelly and Trenton interact for weeks, worried that Kelly would suddenly change his mind. But he caught onto her insecurities quickly and put them to rest, and they lived their life as a family.

Kelly Severide was fully convinced he was the luckiest man in the world.

"Wake up," her voice spoke again, this time much quieter and soothing, and it was right in his ear. He couldn't help but smile, and it gave proof to her that he was awake.

He opened one eye, and watched as her lips curved into a smug smile. She sat down on the bed, a white robe covering her skin. He opened his other eye and sighed contently, taking her hand in his.

"I'm up, are ya happy?" He murmured it as he fiddled with the ring on her finger, the feel of it underneath his calloused fingers bringing another smile to his face.

"Yes," she whispered, nodding only slightly as she leaned down to meet her lips with his. His hand made its way naturally to the nape of her neck, pulling her closer to him as their lips moved instinctively against each other. The kiss was slow at first, both wanting to communicate their insane amount of love to the other. But soon it was heated, with their tongues battling for control and hands roaming underneath clothing. A longing moan escaped the back of Renee's throat at the same time a small voice called for her in the room next to their own.

"Mommy!" The little boy's voice interrupted their actions, and they both sighed. At the moment, since he was only a few months older than one, Trenton's vocabulary was still small. It only consisted of 'Mommy', 'Daddy', 'Hi', and 'Case'. Casey spent an endless amount of time one afternoon trying to teach him his name, so it had become a common word for his godson to say. Kelly just wished more than anything that Shay had the same opportunity.

That was another thing Renee had saved him from. Shay's death tore him apart, and for months, he didn't think he could ever get back from it. On shift Kelly was fine, or at least he pretended he was. With Trenton, he remained a great father, knowing the last thing he could possibly do was let Shay's death affect his relationship with his son. He made a promise from the beginning that he wouldn't be like Benny, and nothing would cause him to break that promise to himself.

But it was hard. Shay's death changed him in ways nobody would understand. She was his family, his constant rock, his shoulder, and she understood him more than anyone possibly could. For months, Kelly was a shadow of his old self. If he went out drinking with the guys, he got drunk quickly, and didn't stop until Herrmann or Otis or Gabby told him it was enough.

Casey tried to be there for him, so did Chief, and all the other guys at the firehouse, but nobody could get to him. Kelly wouldn't let anyone in. If they tried to pry, he would get angry, and they would stop trying to tell him everything would be alright. Casey was the only guy at the firehouse who got anywhere close to making him feel better, pulling out Chief's book of past calls and lives saved speaking to him slightly.

But Renee was the one who saved him from his grief. She was the one who held him as he cried, she was the one who listened to old stories of the two, she was the one who took him to the academy to see her badge for the first time. She was a realist, she knew it would be impossible for him to get over Shay's death as quickly as everybody else wanted him to. So she was patient, she never pried but she also didn't let him do his own thing.

She was always there, throughout it all, and even when he came home at three in the morning, drunk as a sailor, she never lost her faith in him. She had been through a similar loss, so she understood it. And perhaps that's why she was the one who saved him. She understood what he was going through. Sure, everybody at the firehouse lost Shay, but nobody had the relationship they had. Gabby came extremely close, but she was moving on with her life, she was talking to the Chaplin, newly engaged to Casey, and excited about her new job. Kelly couldn't do that. He handled his grief differently. And Renee understood it, she was patient with it, and although several of Kelly's actions throughout his hard time caused fights between the two, she still refused to give up on him. And so, within time, Kelly escaped his grief, and instead he found comfort in his memories of Shay and of their friendship.

So now, as he leaned against the doorframe of Trenton's room, watching his fiance and son interact, he was more thankful for them than ever before.

Even though Kelly had always thought of Trenton as a son, it was made official about half a year ago. Renee had managed to get in contact with his real father, and after telling him about everything, he agreed Kelly could officially adopt him since he had wanted nothing to do with his son. Kelly, personally, couldn't understand it, but at the same time, he was beyond ecstatic to be able to legally call Trenton his son.

Some of Trenton's physical qualities Kelly didn't recognize, like the shape of his nose and the color of his eyes, but it didn't bother him. No matter what, Trent was his son, and always would be.

"Daddy!" As soon as the little boy caught sight of his father, a grin grew on his face, and it was quickly reciprocated by Kelly. He walked into the room and towards Trenton, holding out his arms. Trenton leaned towards them, and Kelly took him from Renee's arms.

"Hey buddy," Kelly cooed, smiling widely at the boy. "Daddy's got to go to work this morning, but maybe mommy can bring you to the firehouse for a little visit, huh? You can see all the guys, and Gabby, because they've all been dying to see you."

"Case!"

Kelly chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, that's right, Case will be there too. So what do ya say, are ya gonna come and visit daddy at work?" He looked towards Renee now, waiting for an answer from her and watching as she smiled lovingly at the interaction.

"Well, I suppose we can bless him with our presence this afternoon, huh?" She joked, smiling at Kelly before playfully tickling her son. The boy giggled loudly, leaning further into Kelly as he tried to maneuver around Renee's fingers.

"If you think I'm gonna protect you from the tickle monster, you have another thing comin'!" Kelly exclaimed playfully, joining Renee in tickling Trent as he smiled happily. As their son's giggles grew louder, Kelly knew he couldn't be happier. This wasn't the life he thought he'd live a couple of years ago, but damn, he wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

They were just sitting down for lunch when two small feet ran as fast as they could into the kitchen. The boy had a bright smile on when he came into view of the men, and his name was called excitedly by everybody.

"Hey, there's my boy!" Herrmann hollered, smiling happily at Trent. Renee walked into the room also, carrying a large plate of pie in her hand. "Man, Kelly, don't ever let this one go!"

"I don't plan on it," he smiled, walking towards Renee. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and took the plate from her hands, putting it on the kitchen counter as he watched Casey pick up Trent.

"Hey, dude!" Casey greeted, smiling happily at his godson. "Did ya come all this way just to see me?"

"Don't flatter yourself," Kelly joked as the little boy giggled.

Casey gave him a look before looking back at Trent, shaking his head. "Don't listen to your dad, he thinks he knows it all." Casey smiled at him and received one in return, making his only grow bigger. He threw a glance at Gabby, and they both silently agreed they were going to have a child of their own soon.

"Alright, give me my son," Kelly chuckled, walking towards him. Just as he did earlier, he held out his arms for Trent and Trent leaned into them, transferring from Casey's hold to Kelly's. "There, I rescued you from that crazy guy who underestimates my knowledge."

Casey lightheartedly nudged his friend, shaking his head. "Watch it, Kelly, that kid loves me and if you keep talking smack about me to him you're going to have issues with your son."

"Wait, hold on a minute, was that supposed to be a warning?"

"If you didn't have Trent right now you'd be getting it."

"Yeah I'm sure I would," Kelly teased back sarcastically, earning another glare from Casey.

Trent, not understanding the conversation one bit but figuring out whatever was going on was funny based on Kelly's smile, giggled at the interaction happily.

* * *

Later, after a short call to an oven fire and a brief lunch, Kelly and Renee sat at the small table in the common room while Casey and Gabby showed Trent the firetrucks in the garage.

"So, how has our little guy been today?" Kelly asked quietly, their fingers intertwining naturally.

"Crazy," Renne chuckled, and Kelly couldn't help but smile as he imagined it. "Now that he's walking he can't stop, and he wants nothing to do with his toys."

"It'll pass," Kelly assured.

"No it won't," Herrmann interrupted from the couch, laughing to himself.

Kelly sent him a glare before turning towards Renee again, sighing softly. "Well, I'll be home tomorrow and I can help you with him," he told her, smiling reassuringly.

"Can't wait," she murmured quietly, leaning in and giving him a quick kiss. "We have to finish what we started this morning," she added seductively in his ear.

"You know, I'm sure Matt and Gabby wouldn't mind watching Trent for a little while longer..." Kelly suggested, clearing his throat.

She smiled, checking her watch before shaking her head. "Sorry babe, he's got a doctor appointment to get to."

"You cannot leave me hanging like that..."

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, don't worry." She tapped his cheek and gave him another quick kiss before standing up, grabbing her coat and purse.

She said goodbye to the guys in the common room and with Kelly behind her, she walked into the garage to get Trent from Gabby and Matt. Once they said bye to the boy, Kelly walked Renee and Trent to her car. He buckled his son into his car seat and kissed his forehead before leaning into Renee's window.

"Let me know how he makes out at the doctors?"

"Absolutely," she says, nodding.

"Good." He smiles and they share another kiss, before Kelly reluctantly pulls away and looks behind the seat at Trent. "Be good for mommy, alright?"

"Mommy," the toddler repeats, and Kelly nods.

"Yes, be good for her, okay bud?"

Trent just smiles at him, still too young to know what he was saying. "I'm taking that as a yes," Kelly says, smiling at the boy. He looks at Renee again, who was also smiling.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow morning then?"

"Definitely," she answers, nodding. "Be careful."

"Always," he promises, smiling reassuringly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They smile once more at each other before Kelly steps back so she can pull away, and as he watches her car disappear in the distance, he can't stop smiling. He smiles because of how much he loves his son, his fiancée, and how much his life has changed in the past couple of years. There had been ups and there had been downs, but no matter what, he was thankful he was where he is today.

**Up Next: I honestly don't know what to do for Shay...any ideas?**


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